Well, it’s no secret that I had PND after the birth of my second son.
Writing Beyond The Baby Blues kind of let that cat out of the bag.
(Alright, I’m exaggerating, the book was about all sorts of perinatal anxiety and depressions and mine was just one story in it.)
But today I want to write a wee bit about when I started treatment for depression AFTER that time.
It was almost four years ago, I think. And the good news is that I started treatment for depression BEFORE I got really depressed.
How clever was that??!!
Wish I’d done it the time before.
The thing is I could feel myself starting to slide. Slippery, slippery slide… horrible… and I knew exactly where that slide could take me. And really didn’t want to get there, get that bad again.
I remember talking to my GP before the Christmas and telling her I was starting to feel as if life was out of control, starting to feel the slide down which would lead me to uncontrollable weeping.
That’s how it goes for me. No suffering in silence or trying to pretend I’m OK. Just loud, uncontrollable weeping, for days and days.
It was good to share that with her and I made some appointments with my go-to-psychologist.
In the February, the slippery dip was getting worse, and my husband was about to start working in Yemen. So off to the doctor I went again and said: ‘Now is the time!’
I started on some medication, at a low dose which I increased later. I had quite a few appointments with my psychologist. She’ll be my go-to girl forever, I hope.
And it all worked and I didn’t get desperate.
And I feel so proud of myself.
With four young children to look after, four very demanding boisterous bairns, I just didn’t want to become really depressed. I owe it to myself to keep as mentally healthy as I can.
And it’s brave to ask for help.
So, I am still taking that anti depressant medication. It’s now a very small dose as life got so much easier, and I could feel myself getting a bit too up at times.
Soon, it’ll be time to slowly wean right off it. To exercise heaps, to look after myself, to keep that mummy oxygen mask firmly afixed.
If I hadn’t had the very bad, deep depression all those years ago, I’d never have learned these hard lessons. But learnt they were. And I’m glad to believe that I can get help sooner not later these days.
And be brave enough to call out for the help I need. Help we all need, and we deserve too.
If you meet me, please do ask me if I am OK. Might not be and you might be the very person I need to talk it through with.
R U OK?
If you or someone you know appears to be experiencing perinatal anxiety or depression please have a look at the PANDA website, it’s terrific:
Have a look at the R U OK? website if you need some help and advice about how to approach a friend or loved one.
{ 23 comments… read them below or add one }
You are so right about your courage. It takes a huge amount to admit that there is a problem, to ask for help, and to act on that help. I lie to myself, and lie to others and make my recovery harder, slower and less certain.
Thank you for your inspiring story.
I hope that your life continues to be so much easier.
Elephant’s Child recently posted..Out of the Shadows, Into the Light
Well, life will always have it’s ups and downs. Caught here between teens and twins, some up early, some up late and one thing I know for sure right now is that I need to get to bed a bit earlier. Am off to hop around the blogs. Thank you for your comment.
It is daunting asking for help isn’t it. Well done and yes, you should be proud you were so brave. Lovely that you are looking after yourself so that you can look after your little ones the best you can. Hope you are feeling well soon. Take care. xx
Kate recently posted..I’d like you to meet someone
Thanks Kate, practice at asking for help is a good thing to do, I try to do so especially when my hubby is working away. People do like to help, and it’s so much easier for them when we ask.
This post illustrates perfectly why it’s so important to have a GP that you can talk to. We all owe to ourselves to find one!
It is brave to see the warning signs and act on them. It’s so easy to keep waiting for things to get better on their own and waste months, if not years waiting… speaking from experience there!! x
Lee recently posted..Peace out, clear out.
Yes, this is so true. I used to travel a fair way to see my GP who was marvellous, but have just found a new GP nearer to home. She is my age and seems very good and easy to chat to. We absolutely do owe it to ourselves to find one and use them long-term. Also a go-to psych to go to as required is gold.
It is so important to have a support network like you have created for yourself. I agree it is much easier to catch you on the downward slide than to hit rock bottom and then try to climb out. Thankyou for sharing your journey, Annaleis xx
Thanks Annaleis, I’m looking forward to reading around all the posts and getting some words of wisdom from others. Thank goodness for support networks, school is a big one for me and I’m off this arvo to the sports carnival… to natter!
It takes an enormous amount of strength to make that GP appointment and admit that you are not OK.
Congratulations on recognising the signs and getting help early.
I hope other women read your post and are inspired to reach out to their GPs.
Amanda from Cooker and a Looker recently posted..R U OK? Day
Thank you, and as Lee says, finding a GP you know and who knows you well is invaluable for all women, but even more so when you have a family to look after. Take it easy.
Hi Seana,
I know it was RUOK Day yesterday and was thinking of you. I supported this fab cause last year but failed this time round as I was feeling totally miserable. It was vile. Luckily no one asked me if I was ok or they would have got a right ear bashing!
I decided to have a computer free day which I spent playing tennis (forcing myself to get sunshine, exercise and see people) and then in bed reading. When the kids got home from school I went through the motions of what I think normal mums do until I could go back to bed right after I got the 7 year old off to sleep and well before the 11 and 14 year olds went to bed. They often have to come kiss me in bed now!
I stopped taking my anti-depressants many years ago. But often I think about going back on them. I always seem to pull myself out of the hole or maybe I just have some kind of chronic mood swings that naturally improve themselves.
I’m sure what you’re doing is better for you and your family. I don’t know why I’m so stubborn. Probably another facet of my problems!
I can’t wait to see you again in Melbourne for a good old moan and a laugh, it helps so much to know you’re not alone and that other mums get down too so thank you for sharing your story.
Annabel Candy, Get In the Hot Spot recently posted..5 Things to Look for When Renting an Apartment Online
Good that Melbourne is not far away now. Good to look forward to at the end of the school hols. It’s a tricky old business with the ups and downs of life isn’t it? There are always mood swings and that’s good, normal, fine… just not to drag on too long or get too low. Life’s too short. I like feeling a wider range of emotions now though… weepiness came over me recently when P went away again and then our poor old cat had a fit. I don’t want to skate too lightly over life, but also not fall too deep into troughs.
thankyou so much for sharing – you should be proud of yourself and rightly so, it sounds like you have not only courage, but such a great support network and self awareness to reach out when it is most important xx
Lyndal recently posted..my head is spinning like a whirlpool it never ends
Thanks for reading Lyndal. I think that, finally, after all these long years, there is self awareness… and one thing that lets me know is that I often need to slow myself down, stop doing so much and listen to my feelings.
One of the things that scares me about going of my medication is that I will slip back down that slide. You’ve just made me realised that this time I will be wiser, quicker to respond. Learning a lesson the hard way is still a lesson learnt. Thanks for sharing your story x
Née Say recently posted..A conversation could change a life
Yes, it is a lesson learned. Another one for me was to go off meds VERY slowly, like over 6 months, just softly, softly and making sure to add in exercise and other self-care thinggies. I’m sticking on this small dose for the moment…. to be continued…
Twitter: denwise1
September 13, 2012 at 6:10 pm
Hi dear friend, thank you for this great story of you..keeping it real. For all of us. It’s interesting I think how many of us ‘resist’ medications…or try to get off them asap…and I am reading here some just like that. I had to come to terms a long while ago, that I need ‘something’ that’s pharmacy-made, along with making time for me, having some fun, taking pics and socialising. Love Denyse
Denyse Whelan Education Specialist recently posted..Wordless Wednesday & Thankful Thursday.
Hi Denyse, I was definitely like that the first time, I loathed being on meds and was too keen to get off them. I thimk I was so scared of having a mental illness, that was my brother’s role not mine (he has severe schizophrenia) and I was worried I’d get that bad. This second time I have cast all that aside… whatever works, I need to be stable for the kids and I owe it to myself. Oh I love getting older and wiser!!
It’s brave to ask for help, no doubt about that. Hopefully through sharing your story you will help someone else not to have to learn the heard way. xxx
Tat recently posted..What a 5-year-old knows that adults sometimes forget… R U OK?
Thank you, sometimes I wonder whether the hard way is the only way to really learn some things… often seems to be for me. Popping over to visit you now.
That’s been my experience, too, unfortunately, but maybe there is someone out there who is less stubborn than you and I?
Tat recently posted..What a 5-year-old knows that adults sometimes forget… R U OK?
Hi Seana. That is awesome that you have got to know yourself well enough to recognise the signs when you are going down again and to help when it is needed.
I have personally gained a huge amount of insight into my mood through five years of therapy and I know when to ask for help before things get uncontrollable. Medication has been my saviour and I’ll never go off them, but having a great professional support network is crucial to my well being also.
Thanks for sharing.
V.
PS I love your work. So does my 3 yo. We went to Blaxland Riverside Playground a couple of weeks ago on your recommendation and Ned loved it! He wants to live there, actually. :>)
Vanessa recently posted..The BB top 5 list of surprising things about kids and parenting
Oh thank you so much!! It’s such a thrill to hear that people visit the places I blog about. And yes, Ned is completely right to want to live at Blaxland. Well done you and all the mums and dads who’re blogging and talking around RUOK?? I am SO glad that these life issues are out int he open these days.
I will always, always, always have a psych to talk too, and if I’m on meds all my life that’s OK too. When I look at my relatives back through the generations, I wish they’d had the chance too.